". . . our stories are what make the difference, and if we can tell them honestly we can hope to help each other. In the end, we have nothing to offer each other but our stories." ~ Emma Lou Thayne

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Suggestions?? Used, Abused, Taken Advantage of... WTH!!!

I am behind on a family sitting and 2 weddings... However, I AGAIN put priorities aside to help a relative. WHY? Because I DO care about her and want HER to KNOW that... But THAT doesn't matter to her. ONLY what she wants or needs at that moment matters... once she GETS what she wanted, she washes her hands of you until there's a new crisis or WANT she needs you for. 

What tops it all off is that she talks LITERAL CRAP behind my back like I'm some horrible beast. I have NEVER been rude to her in ANY WAY!! I've also NEVER tried to SHOVE my religion down her throat. However, when she asked to stay with us for a time once, I did mention that LDS standards apply in our home. 

She needed to not:
  • swear
  • drink alcohol
  • take meds in any way other than prescribed
  • do any kind of drugs
  • watch R rated movies
  • watch inappropriate television shows
  • view inappropriate things on the internet
  • or let her psycho BF know where we live
We do:
  • go to church
  • read scriptures
  • have Family Home Evening
  • have family prayers
  • pray before meals
I NEVER said SHE had to participate in any of the things we do, but she needed to be aware that is part of our home and not to interfere with those things. I honestly don't see where that is too much to ask.

I have dropped EVERYTHING to run to her aid when she's been afraid for her life from said psycho bf... also when she has attempted (on more than one occasion) to end it herself because of him... I have paid copays for emergency room, doctor visits and meds... Then I become the enemy!! Trying to SHOVE my religion down her throat and force her  to not interact with said psycho... She chooses HIS FAMILY and HIM over everyone who has loved her and tried to help her time and time again... 

So she calls on SATURDAY and needs me to take family pix for her. (She has 2 boys...) Then she says she has the girls...(That would be Psycho's girls that he doesn't have custody of... and psycho is in prison at the moment...) It was for HER! She wanted pictures with all of them. Mind you, this is the FIRST time she's CALLED me in a decade that it wasn't a life-crisis or needing help moving and NO ONE ELSE CAN HELP... She EVEN sounded like she was in a good mood. So I rearranged some things and said I'd do it.  (Now you need to also know that there have been times that she's said she NEEDS to come over for something or another and I WAIT... and WAIT... and CALL... no answer... and she just DOESN'T SHOW UP...) So they come... She says just one or two. I take them to a park where the background will be nicer... Then it turns into a full out SITTING. I NEVER SAID I'd have a whole sitting READY to PRINT immediately... 

Her boys were going to swim with my boys... OUR rule... and she agreed... If they swim, she has to be here to supervise them. 15 minutes into them in the pool she NEEDS to take the girls home but she'll be RIGHT BACK... Hubby has things to do... gone...  So I can't do ANYTHING ESLE because I have to play lifeguard at the pool... NOT the AGREEMENT... 2 HOURS LATER she returns and wants to look at the pix. Then she wants her by herself, her with all of them, her with the girls (3 different poses of those), her with the boys, her with EACH of them individually.... PLUS she doesn't like the way her shirt is cut above the other and thinks it makes her look fat... so I need to fix that...

I had already made it clear that I was still behind on 2 wedding shoots and a family shoot... *sigh* Forward to the NEXT DAY... FATHER'S DAY!!! We just got home from church, I'm getting dinner on the table... *ring*Ring* It's her! She's at psycho's mother's house and wants to show everybody the pictures and print some. I tell her we have kids coming with families probably before dinner is done and I don't have time right now. SHE is ANNOYED. "Well, everybody is HERE NOW! I want to show them and bring some to [Psycho]...   BINGO!!! NOW the TRUTH comes OUT!!! BS!!! I did these for HER... NOT for HIS FREAKING FATHER'S DAY and CERTAINLY NOT at the expense of my husband's Father's Day!!! I don't do WORK stuff on Sunday, ANYWAY!!! 

Later she called and I wasn't in the room where my cell was... but she also didn't leave a message... There were a couple times that happened in the next couple days. I figured if she won't even leave a message, I'll get to it as soon as I can and then she'll be happy... (BUT she refuses to BE HAPPY unless the world is revolving AROUND HER...) AND WOW!!! You know I did get a few OTHER things DONE... but I'm still far behind... I took time out of our family reunion time to get hers finished and uploaded. She has them ALL and none of the others waiting on me have theirs because I did hers first... This is a busy time and NOT just with photography! 

She does not EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE THE PHOTOS, or ME... say THANK YOU!!! NADA... ZIP!!! BS!!! I have my OWN MENTAL CRAP to deal with not to mention ACTUAL OBLIGATIONS of MY OWN... and she keeps SUCKING ME FURTHER DOWN into HER PIT!!! I'm SO EMOTIONALLY SPENT!! WHY  do I keep letting her DO THIS to me??

So I wasn't feeling well and AGAIN opted to come home to sleep from the reunion... My extended family surely sees me as a mega-FLAKE!! (Mind you, this reunion is hubby's mother's side of the family... this individual is my half sister... She could care less about FAMILY: MINE, HERS, OURS... It's ALL about HER... and the psycho that will eventually murder her, or drive her to do it herself... Yeah... she CARES about HIS FAMILY... How about THEY come rescue her from his clutches next time... pay her copays... sit for hours on end, even overnight in an ER... HELP HER MOVE... pay for meds... CARE ENOUGH to encourage her to DO THE THINGS SHE NEEDS TO TO GET in a BETTER PLACE???

If I later delete this it's because I get chicken and worry that she'll read it... not that any of it ISN'T TRUE... but because I really don't PURPOSELY TRY to hurt others feelings... BUT I NEED support in this and I honestly don't know WHERE to turn...  It's not likely she'd ever come here... WHY??? It's about MY LIFE... which doesn't MATTER!!  Others for support? NOT!! I get so many different stories from family members my head is swimming... So and so said ____ .... Well YOU told me______   I NEVER SAID THAT....  Tired of BS!!! I'm DONE!!   ...and nobody CARES...

Update Sunday, June 27. 2010 @ 5:51pm
I originally had unlocked the gallery so she could download the original files. The gallery had 3 visits, so I assumed she had gotten them. I removed the password to download... Well, she hadn't gotten them all... SO I finally got a phone call needing the password reinstated and a "Thank You"  WOW!! I wonder if she read this? There was a link from my fb page... Hmmm.... *scratching head*. So I guess I should feel better now, right? I'm trying...

I guess the creepy creepo is about to get his portraits. She also had her son snap one of her doing a sexy look for him... GAG!!! Whatever... WHY does she ALWAYS DEFEND HIM?? He has held a knife to her, held her prisoner, tried to choke the life out of her... But we just DON'T KNOW HOW SWEET he CAN be when he takes his meds the way he's SUPPOSED to!! HELLOOOOoooo.... He's OBVIOUSLY NOT RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH to DO THAT consistently ENOUGH for MY LIKING...  *sigh*


THANK YOU to my sweet friends that offered me support! Alexis & Penny... you're theBOMB.COM !!  =D  Check out the THANK YOU post above that has Celtic Womn "You Rasie Me UP" video... That's for YOU!!!  (((HUGS)))


Penny @ iCouldbeFake.com said...

First of all, don't delete it. It is how you really feel and there is NOTHING wrong with that.

She is so obviously taking advantage of you and your kindness.

I think from now on you need to just tell her no. It's hard to say no, especially to family members, but you need to take care of YOURSELF and your children before you worry about anyone else.

If you're stressed and not taking care of yourself then how can you take care of your children. You need to think of it like that.

If it's really an emergency and she really NEEDS you, then maybe, but for anything else, I would just say no.

Penny @ iCouldbeFake.com said...

You know... this isn't about a family member but a really close friend.

I was a newly single mother, and my friend had left her abusive husband, so I let her stay with us. She wasn't working or anything, and kept spending my money on beer and stuff like that. She invited her new boyfriend to stay with us without my permission, and I never said anything.

She would stay out at all hours, and I had one key to my house. I would keep telling her I have two small kids, I can't have you coming in and out at all hours. I told her repeatedly.

I was on food stamps, she finally got food stamps and instead of buying food for the house and the kids she would use hers to buy soda. I would get so mad and not say anything.

Then one day I just couldn't take it anymore. I locked the door at 10pm and pretended not to hear her knocking when she finally came home around 2am. Because I had told her.

She was taking advantage of me and my kids. At first I felt bad for her because she had just left an abusive husband, but then I finally just had to put me and the kids first and stop worrying about her.

She's an adult, she can take care of herself... you know?

Your family member sounds alot like my friend.

Cluttered Brain said...

She really is trying to take advantage of you.
I agree with the statement above, this is your blog and you can publish what you want, your feelings are valid too.
I hope this helped you to write it all out.
Gosh dang! I hope it gets better for you!

Holly said...

Thanks Penny & Alexes!! I updated the bottom of the post to bring it up to date... I guess I forced the issue of a call... ;p Anyway! Your words were a help to me to know that SOMEONE cared and validated that I wasn't just a ranting maniac. So check out that "Raise Me Up" clip in the other post for today. That's for YOU!! (((HUGS)))

Lisa said...

Holy junk, Holly. What a horrendous "friend" (and I use that with sarcasm.) I have had run-ins with people about 1/4 as difficult as she is, and ended it IMMEDIATELY! Couldn't stand being sucked dry and assuming their burdens that they continually placed upon their shoulders and mine, through choice.

I know you want to be a good friend and family member. And obviously this woman is in need of good role models. But sometimes, the only way to help them is to take away their support for lousy decisions and force them to stand on their own. We've done this with our own family and told them we would NOT be bailing them out again. And guess what? They expected it again. And this time we said no, and they could just hardly believe it. They didn't change, but at least we didn't WAIT for them to change, and we could spend our efforts on people who really did need and want help to be better.

Love you, dear. Let go of this angst and let her figure things out on her own. I know you have a heart of gold, but spend it on the people who love you in return...unless you feel like Superwoman!

Holly said...


It's so hard when it's your li'l sis... To KNOW of the hardships she grew up with (abusive dad), see her in such a destructive path. And each time she hits rock bottom it seems like she WANTS to make those changes to make life better and you WANT to help her GET to that BETTER PLACE. Then she turns on a dime and practically spits in your face and you're the enemy for not SUPPORTING her with the "LOVE OF HER LIFE" and trying to FORCE religion down her throat, etc... BUT, you are RIGHT!! I have my own issues to deal with and then I try to take on hers... That doesn't work well and that's when hubby is ALL for REMOVING ME from HER situations completely... He IS a WISE man!! (((HUGS)))

Nett said...


Never delete that..it's therapeutic and it's legitimate! I have no words of wisdom since I too, do everything for everyone else and end up getting hurt a lot. I have just started saying NO and leaving it at that, for like, an hour, until the guilt that I am not doing enough kicks in. :) Although, I can be a bit of a pit bull bow and again. :)

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...