". . . our stories are what make the difference, and if we can tell them honestly we can hope to help each other. In the end, we have nothing to offer each other but our stories." ~ Emma Lou Thayne

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Confession Wednesday: Selective Perception

Confession Wednesday Button

Today's post has been in the wings for a bit... I had to get to a point where I felt safe in posting in some directions again. I am still hesitant. But if my lurkers... who want to hold me in contempt for being human... So be it. They're still avoiding me anyway.  Soooooo..... Here GOES!!

Last month I was having a bit of anxiety over our little family get together. There are a few that seem to just be critical of anything to do with me no matter how hard I try. And all is fine and dandy as long as I pretend that nothing ever bothers me and just keep smiling, smiling smiling.... (OOPS... the Dory in me coming out...)  ;p Darn, she can be annoying!!

So I was stressing a bit about how my wheels were spinning and I wasn't really ACCOMPLISHING the MILLION things I NEEDED to DO... (a common BP problem I deal with...) So as not to be judged... I was TRYING to do it all and all for NAUGHT... In my anxiety, I had posted about it... (That's what we do... Right??) I have an AWESOME FRIEND that was giving me support and she said she had something she was going to drop off that would make me smile.  ;D  Now THAT'S a FRIEND!! (AND I LOVE HER!!)

Now in the onslaught of anxiety that followed... and then the family portrait escapade (that had to be deleted due to the mysterious anonymous posters that were obviously related...) ANYWAY... this isn't really about that... It's about emotions, anxiety.... the way we perceive things by those that have hurt us in the past... Something that was said by one of the "anonymous" posters was that I needed to let go of things from the past. I wish it were that easy. When current circumstances continuously remind of past hurts, they don't just dissipate. You can forgive and move on... but when you're faced with things that reopen those wounds, your perspective can get a bit out of whack. 

Here I was after a night of stress and full of raw emotion; I look at the counter and there's this plaque that had an adorable red ribbon (which SHOULD have been a clue... DUH!) on it that said, 
Now my house is cluttered... We're not talking completely disgusting/gross... but cluttered. I am no Suzie Homemaker when it comes to cleaning. I also deal with migraines and WHACKED sleep patterns. There are a couple family members that can be quite critical... So after I was emotionally depleted and see this I ask those still at the house where that came from. Nobody knew. The ones that were most critical of me were gone... so in my mind, I felt like it was a dig in my direction because I'll never be good enough for them. Then I asked my daughter if it was her... because then it would be funny...  The next day I came into the kitchen laughing and said I'd figured it out!! My sweet friend had said she was going to drop something off while she was running errands and someone must have seen it and brought it in. Stitch kid (perceptive stinker...) asked why I would feel different about it if it was from XXXX??

So HERE is MY CONFESSION... Yes!! I was dealing with SELECTIVE PERCEPTION!! From a real friend (as was the case HERE) or family members I feel "safe" with, it is cute and funny... and they are being supportive! From someone that is critical of me... it WOULD come across as a judgement in my direction. If the weekend hadn't gone where it did when it did... I would have known right away.

What does it boil down to??? 
"Is my name safe in your mouth?" 
If it is, I would have no reason to perceive offence. If it is not... depending on my mood... I possibly will...  So there's a glimpse into my neurotic psyche... Now you know.

And THAT quote, my friends, will be a whole new post!  


Kristina P. said...

It can take a long time to let things go when you have been deeply hurt and betrayed.

Lisa said...

Seriously? Wow, what a lesson in perception. And may I just say if I'd been more on the ball, there would have been a beautiful, eloquent card ATTACHED to the plaque, so you didn't have to wonder or question your worth for days.

I do this exact same thing. But it's not just perception~it truly has to do with whether or not we feel safe with them. And I need to do better. (FYI~I've never seen inside of your home, so it was TOTALLY innocent. I just knew you were beside yourself with anxiety over perceived shortcomings. Best to laugh while drinking a Dr. Pepper about it all. This too shall pass.) :)

Love you!

Jules said...

Holy Joe, what a perception! I have this same trouble, letting go that is, with anyone. And my house...well right now there are live critters forming in the corners

Does that help :D
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

Holly said...

Kristina, Lisa, Jules: LOL!! Only true friends would find this!!Do you like how it was slightly hidden behind the Awareness Wednesday post?? Haha!! Thanks for being so AWESOME!! Karen gave me the perfect excuse to come out with it and the lovely pst options allowed me to tuck it behind my regularly scheduled post. HAH!

Jules: ABSOLUTELY!! My dust bunnies and your critters would get along nicely. I can be rid of the critters, due to MY K9 critters... They are defenders against ALL critters smaller than they!! I think they call it "Little Dog Syndrome" LOL!!

LISA!! I think that calls for a lunch on me and a Dr Pepper!! LOL!! I have to tell you that it wasn't the plaque (which has the perfect colors, by the way... THANK YOU!!)but the previous night I'd had through my own SKEWED perception, of COURSE... That just put the question in my mind... THEN I started dwelling on it... THEN it CLICKED and I laughed... The true questioning of my total worth didn't really start to sink in until my post describing the elusive portrait EVENT was anonymously attacked (or rather I was through it...) 4 days LATER (when to me it was over by this point...) multiple times... and an image that had ONLY been posted here shows up on their fb pages (one as a profile pic. DUH!)! At least the other had the juevos to leave his name attached, even though he still pretended to be someone else. (There were 2, maybe 3 so valiantly attacking... and have since avoided me... Yet still pretend that they are unaware... Tell me, who else would give enough of a darn to keep returning in attack mode??) *sigh* So... I just have to get over myself... ;p Because, you know, I am the WICKED STEP-MOTHER after ALL, in spite of attempts for 13 years to NOT be... The funny thing is that if it were a total stranger for real, it would be so easy to delete and forget. Hubby was gone that week and it was very dark, indeed... Just the feeling that it is from family, where I should feel safe... Oh how I missed you... that week of girl's camp! LOL!! But the girls needed you more and they were MUCH more FUN!! (((HUGS))) Sorry, I know I ramble...

Kaelin said...

My mind would have gone in the same direction given the circumstances - it's not the gift, in this case the plaque, it's the intention. It doesn't sound like you have any misconceptions about intention from your friend or your lurkers. What a great friend to drop of a "cheer up" gift! Wishing you plenty of Dr Pep!

Holly said...

Oh yes, Kaelin!! She is AWESOME to the 4th power!! ;D

Thanks for stopping by and commenting! You ROCK!!

momtofourgirls.Kari said...

Good points. I see this in our family too-- we seem to have a lot more understanding and patience for those we trust! Good luck :)

Holly said...

Thanks Kari! I know I have a lot of issues to get through, but I think there may be more success if I'm not the ONLY one WORKING on things. I've been trying that approach for the last 13 years and I'm just spinning my wheels and getting no where. *sigh*

I think it also lets us look at our own actions and what we do or say may make someone feel uncomfortable/unsafe. You know, like being judgmental or gossiping. What's to say the very people in the audience of it aren't the target with the next audience?? See what I mean? LOL!

Good luck with yours, too. ((HUGS))

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