Today's post has been in the wings for a bit... I had to get to a point where I felt safe in posting in some directions again. I am still hesitant. But if my lurkers... who want to hold me in contempt for being human... So be it. They're still avoiding me anyway. Soooooo..... Here GOES!!
Last month I was having a bit of anxiety over our little family get together. There are a few that seem to just be critical of anything to do with me no matter how hard I try. And all is fine and dandy as long as I pretend that nothing ever bothers me and just keep smiling, smiling smiling.... (OOPS... the Dory in me coming out...) ;p Darn, she can be annoying!!
So I was stressing a bit about how my wheels were spinning and I wasn't really ACCOMPLISHING the MILLION things I NEEDED to DO... (a common BP problem I deal with...) So as not to be judged... I was TRYING to do it all and all for NAUGHT... In my anxiety, I had posted about it... (That's what we do... Right??) I have an AWESOME FRIEND that was giving me support and she said she had something she was going to drop off that would make me smile. ;D Now THAT'S a FRIEND!! (AND I LOVE HER!!)
Now in the onslaught of anxiety that followed... and then the family portrait escapade (that had to be deleted due to the mysterious anonymous posters that were obviously related...) ANYWAY... this isn't really about that... It's about emotions, anxiety.... the way we perceive things by those that have hurt us in the past... Something that was said by one of the "anonymous" posters was that I needed to let go of things from the past. I wish it were that easy. When current circumstances continuously remind of past hurts, they don't just dissipate. You can forgive and move on... but when you're faced with things that reopen those wounds, your perspective can get a bit out of whack.
Here I was after a night of stress and full of raw emotion; I look at the counter and there's this plaque that had an adorable red ribbon (which SHOULD have been a clue... DUH!) on it that said,
Now my house is cluttered... We're not talking completely disgusting/gross... but cluttered. I am no Suzie Homemaker when it comes to cleaning. I also deal with migraines and WHACKED sleep patterns. There are a couple family members that can be quite critical... So after I was emotionally depleted and see this I ask those still at the house where that came from. Nobody knew. The ones that were most critical of me were gone... so in my mind, I felt like it was a dig in my direction because I'll never be good enough for them. Then I asked my daughter if it was her... because then it would be funny... The next day I came into the kitchen laughing and said I'd figured it out!! My sweet friend had said she was going to drop something off while she was running errands and someone must have seen it and brought it in. Stitch kid (perceptive stinker...) asked why I would feel different about it if it was from XXXX??
So HERE is MY CONFESSION... Yes!! I was dealing with SELECTIVE PERCEPTION!! From a real friend (as was the case HERE) or family members I feel "safe" with, it is cute and funny... and they are being supportive! From someone that is critical of me... it WOULD come across as a judgement in my direction. If the weekend hadn't gone where it did when it did... I would have known right away.
What does it boil down to???
"Is my name safe in your mouth?"
If it is, I would have no reason to perceive offence. If it is not... depending on my mood... I possibly will... So there's a glimpse into my neurotic psyche... Now you know.
And THAT quote, my friends, will be a whole new post!