". . . our stories are what make the difference, and if we can tell them honestly we can hope to help each other. In the end, we have nothing to offer each other but our stories." ~ Emma Lou Thayne

Monday, May 31, 2010

Memorial Day... Take Time to Reflect

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY??? Is this really a JOYOUS holiday??? I guess it depends on your perspective of the day and what memories are invoked... and the mood... and activities planned...  WOW!! Why does EVERYTHING with ME HINGE on SO MANY THINGS??? LOL!!
Hubby shot this of our home this morning.  ;D
There are those that just see it as a DAY OFF, the opportunity for camping or whatever they DO with a 3 day weekend... Some only see it as a time to remember FALLEN soldiers... Some reflect on loved ones that are no longer with us... So can I take the soldier one a step further to revere all the servicemen who have ever served my country honorably, in essence protecting MY FREEDOM, rights and way of life! I feel that it's OK to do something FUN with your family and friends, but there should be sometime you put aside to reflect... AND a soldier shouldn't have to have LOST their LIFE to be honored. When they signed that contract, they AGREED to protect even IF it cost their LIFE. So they should be honored regardless for their willingness.With these minor adjustments, is OK for me to check "All of the Above"?

My husband, father, grandfather, and many brothers-in-law have served our country with honor! My grandfather, father, and many brothers-in-law are no longer with us.

I choose to also reflect how GRATEFUL I AM that I HAVE my husband; who is my HERO, solid ground, TRUE NORTH... Thank you, GOD, for the blessing that IS my BETTER HALF!!

I also reflect on loved ones I've lost in addition to the ones above: ALL of my grandparents, as well as hubby's parents (and obviously their siblings and ancestors...), my uncle, hubby's first wife's parents were dear (& I can't help but reflect some on her, having left this world too soon of cancer at only 48... although I never met her in person...), several friends, some beloved pets (YES!! THEY DO BELONG HERE... * ;p *), and a precious grand-daughter. *sniff*

I pray you all have wonderful and love filled memories... and a safe day having FUN with your friends and family!  (((HUGS)))

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Christian & Stephanie Nielson - Mindy Gledhill @CBC`10

The original newscast:

Their Story:

Part 2: Christian's Thank You:

The Today Show a couple months after accident:

Mormon Messages: My New Life

WOW!!! Hope you had a tissue when you watched these!! It really puts things in perspective!! Stephanie and her family, and ALL the people that rallied around them during their time of need are SUCH an INSPIRATION!!

I absolutely LOVE how Mormon Messages put this together!

Pay attention also to the music in the background!! THIS is Mindy Gledhill! She went to school with Stephanie and wrote this song for her! She was also a part of a benefit concert for her.  I was introduced to her beautiful music at the CBC`10 conference. We got to here all of her new songs (This song was one of them) that she just recorded for her newest album, ANCHOR, to be released August 4! I am SO LOOKING FORWARD to it's release!! There wasn't one of those songs that didn't speak to me in some way!! I will have to do a post on favorites with links!! However, it TECHNICALLY IS SUNDAY, now, so I'll try to keep this on a spiritual mode. She has sung gospel songs for years.

This one is Child of Light from EFY 2004:

This is Be Thou an Example for EFY 2009:

Emma: Joseph Smith Tribute:

Keeper of the Faith:

A Little More Like Thee:

And this one doesn't go too far off the path, but is one that seems to just SPEAK to ME!! Actually, there were several that do. Maybe that's why I LOVE her music so much!! If you pay attention to the words if you want to understand me and my brain a bit more... I am SO BLESSED to have a husband that seems to have the patience to encompass all that I am... and I LOVE HIM!

Feather in the Wind:

I will post more about the conference... but being the sabbath, I was hopeful to uplift and inspire a bit, the way I felt leaving the conference. It was NOT a waste of money or time... and blogging and inspirational internet content can be a source for GOOD!! Let's FLOOD the internet with the GOOD!


Thursday, May 27, 2010

Ethan Stacy: WTG Lu and Anissa!! WHY this case hits SO HARD to ME!

So proud of my friends Lucinda and Anissa for organizing this event! GREAT JOB LADIES!! I was in TX and unable to participate, but it was a GREAT SUCCESS!!

Some people don't understand the purpose of a WALK for a CAUSE... Some of the comments are so illogical!! Well, if you don't get it, don't do it... Let those that feel like doing SOMETHING is better than nothing DO IT!! Whatever helps them DEAL with the event/cause/tragedy, etc... and to spread their point of VIEW IS a WORTHY CAUSE!!! To think of the fear and violence this poor child had to go through... and KNOWING that this mother was already found unstable to be his custodial parent, and that the father repeatedly petitioned the courts not to send him... What is WRONG with this nation's court system??? TOO MUCH!!! Yes! I DO believe that if there is cause with a parent or their significant other that will have access to the child, there should be exceptions to the typical parental rights... And they lived in an APARTMENT!!! Are you trying to TELL ME that NONE of the neighboring tenants could hear anything that would raise a red flag??? I'm NOT buying it! 

No, there is NO JUSTICE on this EARTH for this child or TOO MANY OTHERS... I will NOT stand between any of the perpetrators and GOD!

St Matthew 18:

   6 But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

  7 Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!

  8 Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire.

  9 And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.

This whole story hit too close to home for me and not in a good way. I have a sister that is unstable and chooses to stay in a relationship with an unstable and abusive man. He has come close to killing HER on more than one occasion. Then he talks sweet and she DEFENDS HIM. Then the cycle repeats. She gets in situations where he's threatening and violent and she's afraid of him and doesn't want to upset him... She IS AWARE of what he is capable of and CHOOSES to STAY!! And ALL of us that try to help her in any way are only USABLE in a CRISIS and then we're the ENEMY AGAIN when she CHOOSES HIM AGAIN!! She has 2 boys... She does NOT have custody, but this person frequently is LIVING with her and they come visit. I'm sorry... If she CHOOSES to jeopardize HER life... that's one thing... but that jeopardizes THEIRS! She is SURE he wouldn't HURT THEM... ???? And she has been SO RESPONSIBLE in the choices for her OWN LIFE... If she were AWAY from this monster and doing the things she needs to to remain stable... I am ALL for her having a close relationship with those boys! I LOVE HER and THEM!! But her EX (whom I'm not that thrilled with, either...) has no choice but to send them. SHE NEEDS TO WAKE UP!!! ESPECIALLY with this case with Ethan... If she TRULY believes that her boys are not in a good environment for them... WHY wouldn't she do EVERYTHING in her POWER to PROVIDE a BETTER environment as an alternative for them??? Instead, she offers a worse AND more DANGEROUS one... Sorry sis... LOVE YOU, BUT...   *sigh*

So I feel that this WALK and the one the following day... as well as ALL the other events going on ARE ACCOMPLISHING something!! It's SHOWING that there ARE PEOPLE that give a DARN!!! There are many willing to put aside their busy lives for a bit and SHOW that they are NOT OK with the messed up system  that will allow abuse OR those that ABUSE!!! Have you read the statements??? It's HEART WRENCHING to read what this boy had to endure at the hands of this man and his idiot mother. Mental disorder, drugs.... NO EXCUSES!!! WRONG IS WRONG and inside they KNOW IT REGARDLESS!! They even stated that they didn't want anyone to SEE him due to the swelling... They were more concerned with HIDING than HELPING and they KNEW it was WRONG!! And WHAT CENTURY are they FROM thinking disfiguring his sweet body would delay identification???? Have they NEVER WATCHED ANY CRIME DRAMA show on the freaking TV??? DNA TRUMPS ALL!!! GAH!!!
I can't find the "Probable Cause" Documents anymore... They must have removed them... They were HORRENDOUS!! I read them before I went to TX... at any rate... Rest in Peace sweet Ethan and to the REST of the WORLD... ABUSE is NOT OK in ANY FORM!!! STOP DOING IT!! STOP LOOKING THE OTHER WAY when you're AROUND IT!!!  I'm talking physical, emotional, sexual, child, senior, spousal/partner, etc... ALL OF IT!!! JUST STOP!!! If you CAN'T, GET HELP NOW!!! If you DON'T, may you have NO MERCY and be DAMNED ETERNALLY!!!


Monday, May 17, 2010

Where Can I Turn for Peace? by Emma Lou Thayne

Where Can I Turn for Peace? 

LDS Hymn no. 129

1. Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart,
Searching my soul?

2. Where, when my aching grows,
Where, when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
He, only One.

3. He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching
In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind,
Love without end.

Text by Emma Lou Thayne (b.1924. song copyrighted 1973) - An Inspiration to ME

This is the lady that was on the show on BYU channel that I discussed in an earlier post. I had mistakenly thought it was "I Need Thee Every Hour"... Although, THAT one is really good and speaks to me, also! I have actually used verse 2 in my Facebook profile a couple times. That's the verse that speaks the loudest to me. She is an author and poet and has published several books. I think it's time to check into more of her work. She and her family (ancestors as well as descendants) have dealt with various facets of mental challenges.

KNOWING that even though majority of the people in this world may never understand the things that affect another and how, CHRIST DOES KNOW! There's a comfort in knowing that and that he has been there and understands.

So I'm freaking out a little today. It's my own fault and I know that, but it doesn't change the fact that it's taken me 5 months to get motivated enough to call and make an appointment with the individual I chose for my new doctor and they don't have any new patient appointments until Friday. The trip I'm going on WAS my motivation because I've been stressing over it a LOT and I don't know HOW I'm going to fake even somewhat normal 24/7 for a whole week!! If I go back to my old doctor I'm going to get the lectures about my negligence... stopping meds abruptly and not following through on scheduling to keep up with the meds and such... Yet he's the one that just checks off the next item on the list and didn't really LISTEN to anything I would SAY... So since I decided to change, I haven't gone back to him... And I've had a REAL hard time making the move to start again. Now that the trip to Texas with my sister to help my aunt in stage 4 cancer is upon me, I'm REALLY falling apart. I really don't know what kind of HELP I can be in this condition. I won't have hubby or my dog; the ONLY 2 things in the world that seem to help me come back to earth....

I'm also FREAKING out about the Trek coming up too fast. I KNEW it would come... but I thought things would get BETTER by THEN. It's not... It's not like I can fake it under pressure around the clock and perform my duties well when I can't sleep like a normal person or react normally under pressure. Faking it a few hours here or there is one thing... Around the clock is quite another....

So KNOWING ME... I will NOT make any appointment and I'll go without blood pressure meds, anything to help me stay balanced or deal with the anxiety... and by the time it's all done, I'll have an aunt, uncle, cousin, and sister that will want nothing more to do with me because they had NO IDEA what a WHACK job I REALLY AM...

To top it off, hubby has been gone to SoCal since last Wednesday and things have been crazy around here. I haven't accomplished half of what I needed to. He's driving home today and I'll be stressed and only have 1 day with him. He'll probably be glad I GO. It's probably been a nice break for him... I don't know how he puts up with me and our 12 yr old... *sigh*   Some days I just want to hit the SNOOZE button on my brain and totally ZONE OUT till it passes.  Sorry to DUMP... I'll be doing some serious praying... Prayers are welcome. 

Friday, May 7, 2010

May Birthday BONANZA... and OTHER STUFF...

NO! Not MY birthday!! But SO MANY in our family and friends!!!

Yesterday we had a daughter turn a quarter of a CENTURY!! LOL!!
Then we have a son-in-law that is one year younger than her... NOT married to HER... but the younger sister/my oldest biological child.  ;p
ALSO, my cousin that I'm CLOSEST to.  ;D
Oh, and I have a friend on the 6th, too!!

TODAY one of our adorable granddaughters turns 8 and our niece's daughter has her big DAY today, too!!

TOMORROW we have a cute granddaughter turning 13!!
AND our grandson turns TWO!! WHICH is already a miracle since they SAID he would only live 6-16 months... HE SHOWED THEM!!! WHO are THEY??? He's doing good, too!! Go VINCENT, GO VINCENT!!! Prove'em WRONG!! Oh YEAH!! (This is a cheer style CHANT, BTW!!)

My sister-in-law is in a week...
Our 2nd oldest is towards the end of the month.
So's my EX, but HE doesn't count anymore.  ;p

Our youngest 2 are off track right now...
Hubby is going to SoCal to help #5child/#3 son fix up his first home and bring his sister to a reunion.
THEN I am going to help my aunt in TX for a week. She is in stage 4 cancer and starting chemo on the 12th.  :(
Please pray for me to keep it together... if ONLY I could bring my Jazzi-girl!! (That would be my dog that people just don't understand how much I RELY on her for my well-being...)
THEN I'll be going to the Casual Blogger Conference and staying overnight at our daughter's (whose birthday was yesterday, who is ALSO mom to the adorable miracle baby...)

So I guess it's a memorial month, too... Not just Memorial Day... but hubby's 1st wife passed away of brain cancer on the 4th of May in '97... Yeah.. trying to live up to her is NOT possible for the likes of ME... *sigh*

THEN it's MOTHER"S DAY... OK, THAT WILL BE a whole NEW WILD POST... In case you can't tell, it's NOT my favorite holiday... usually sends me into a mega depression... that I have to try to hide and smile and fake happy...

I'm afraid this will be a roller coaster month. Pray for me to ENDURE it WELL...  (((HUGS)))

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Shades of Gray for Cinco de Mayo

It's been a while since I did a REAL POST. I have several that are PRIVATE. LOL!! I usually do my ranting on a totally private one. Honestly, my intention was to try to keep this blog as positive as possible. That kind of goes along with my always pretending things are OK. I attribute my AWESOME skills and talents going ALL the way back to childhood. I won't go into the ugly details there, but I wouldn't go back for ANYTHING! It was my duty to the family to pretend like all was good and not embarrass the family anymore. I STUFF things so far down that sometimes in private, I feel like I'm choking. So just because I smile and pretend, doesn't necessarily make it so.

Lately I've been SO out of whack with my sleep patterns. It's to the point that when I feel like I could sleep, if I'm able I just GO! No matter WHAT time of day. MOSTLY NOT normal hours for one to sleep. I've been off my meds for quite a while now and I've been dealing with a lot of mixed mania, too. I feel like I have NO support. Things have gotten more difficult and I feel like family thinks if they ignore it, it's not real. I don't want to be a pain and I consciously CAN control myself from going out of control and abusing the ones I love. The STIGMA crap is even amongst my family. Those that should be supportive and understanding. Those that should want to help me avoid the situations that trigger episodes. But instead, I get "Oh, you'll be fine..." or "You've done things like this before, it's no big deal..." OR here's the kicker... "I think it's just AADD, you are too responsible to be bipolar." What the HECK does THAT mean??? Obviously I'm further out of my mind than I thought!!! YES!!! I DREAMED this ALL up!! Just like things that happened when I was young that I had to pretend never happened so I didn't embarrass the family... So SUCK it up and ACT NICE!!! THAT'S what I DO!!! I rant and explode on private blogs and frequently delete them because I don't want anyone to come across them and know how NUTS I REALLY am... *sigh*  Hey! It's better than exploding at people and saying what comes to my mind... Then I'd REALLY be ALONE!! Not just alone in my emotions... Well, it's not like anyone really reads anything I write anyway... I'm too long winded. I don't know how to get to the point... Had the same problem with school papers, too. TOO descriptive... ??? I'm a good rambler, see I can go in all kinds of directions. My brain jumps tracks and I don't even notice it frequently. GAH!

So today is a bad one and no one even notices. But the beef chunks are going to go bad if I don't cook them up so I need to make something with that tonight... Yeah... didn't sleep again last night and although I feel like I probably could at the moment, I must go be RESPONSIBLE so I can offer more proof of how the mixed mania is in my head because I CAN MAKE myself play nice when I'm not able to HIDE.  Sorry for this shocking reality of what is the private ME at times. The depression has been bad lately. Actually, I think the beef chunks will wait one more day. Sloppy Joe's will be much quicker and easier.  ;p

Want a good laugh??? Off my meds since like Thanksgiving, including my blood pressure meds, not to mention having fallen OFF the healthy habits... I had this test done that puts me about 2 decades OLDER than my husband that IS 2 decades older than me! HAH!! Now I'm supposed to take this supplement to make my heart and arteries stronger. Since it put my age at over 90 at the moment... (Yeah... well if you want to give me anxiety and send my heart rate up, tell me to sit with my feet flat on the floor when my feet don't REACH, tell me to be still and quiet. Ever seen my foot tapping in the temple? I TRY, REALLY I DO!!) So I should die of a heart attack anytime.  ;p   Maybe that would be a blessing.  Really!! I'm at the NOT caring phase of my weight again. Then I get the lectures about how diet makes ALL the difference... stay away from everything white... bread, sugar, pasta... I DON'T CARE ENOUGH right now to even THINK about it. I have no motivation to stick to my regular health plan that I've been intending to get back to ALL YEAR...  ENDURE to the END... I'm enduring... So why prolong more and keep me from that peace????

Don't worry, I wouldn't do anything STUPID! I'm too responsible for THAT!  ;p  However, I do look forward to returning to the peace of my home in heaven where I won't have the physical and mental limitations that hold me back here. Also, KNOWING that Christ DOES KNOW what I go through and can relate and loves me in spite of me... THAT's a GOOD THING for me to ALWAYS REMEMBER.  ...and I DO!
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