". . . our stories are what make the difference, and if we can tell them honestly we can hope to help each other. In the end, we have nothing to offer each other but our stories." ~ Emma Lou Thayne

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Lifetime of MOVING!

When I was 2 weeks old,
our family moved from New York 

to FL.
My dad was in the Air Force and transferred to Tyndall AFB.
My dad left when I was 1

My mom converted to the LDS church and migrated us to UT.
(Actually lived in Washington Terrace and Brigham City...)

Within 2 years, she married another serviceman that was transferred to... Tyndall AFB!! LOL! So BACK we went, to the same area where my dad still was. 


We lived in MANY homes and areas all within about a 60 mile radius for about the next decade 

until my mom wishing to get away from MY dad again...
took us BACK to UT!
(Both Brigham City again and then Roy.)

Of course then I was able to fly back and forth between the 2 through my teen years, so it still felt a little like home during those years, too. I married a BOY (can't say man... he WAS quite immature...  ;p  ) that went into the Air Force, and I went to stay with my dad when he went to basic training. 

I met him in Illinois for his fire school training 

and we got stationed in... FL!! This was Hurlburt Field, 

which was about an hour from where my dad was. SWEET!! 
(We were in Okaloosa County and Dad was in Bay County.)

So we lived in a few places between Mary Esther and Ft Walton Beach for the next few years. 
Oldest daughter was born in Ft Walton Beach.

THEN he is sent to... GUAM!!
(We lived on Anderson AFB, went to church in Yigo,
son was born at the Naval Station.)

GUAM? Where's GUAM??? LOL! Did 2 years there, 


then he got out and we returned to... Roy, UTAH!
3 different locations there, then moved to Hooper.
(West of Roy toward the Salt Lake) 
Since then, I was divorced and I have been married to Mr Wonderful, the hubs (aka hubby), going on 13 years. We lived in Washington Terrace (Just south of Ogden) and West Haven (between Roy and Farr West)

He did his las 5 years of employment in Riverside, CA
(We loved the area there, too... I'll have to do a list for there, too.),  



retired, and we returned to UT 

where we have MANY adorable grandchildren
that made us burn a trail up and down I-15 for... SOooo...
We have built a home (We won't talk about the SNOW in MAY!)

and dug a cement pond in the backyard... 

So that MEANS we're STAYING PUT!! Right?

In ALL my life, that home in Riverside is THE LONGEST
I've ever lived in ONE home consecutively!! UGH! 

We've been back for 4 years now and I want to GO THE DISTANCE!! So tired of moving...

Check back next week for my Top and Bottom 10 Lists for living in FLORIDA!!

Friday, July 30, 2010

Happy Birthday POP!

POP is 87 today!!  (Shown here with Hubby!!)
He married my mom in 1996. That's how long I waited for a good father figure in my life.
Yes, I was an adult by this time! But I LOVE HIM!  ;D

When he married my mom. They are center back.
I have the blue skirt/white top in the front.
Also in the photo were my niece, 2 sisters, brother-in-law and friend of the family.


When my 3rd was born...

With #2 child

Here are most of my family about 2002
(Mom, Pop, Uncle, All my siblings 
and spouses, and kids... 
but Hubby & 2 of mine were missing) 


friday-follow

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Writer's Workshop: BAD BURN & Video Clip & TTTT

This week's assignments are:
Mama's Losin' It1.) It was a bad burn. Tell about the worst sunburn you ever received. How did that happen!?!
Hmmm... Which one??? I am fair skinned with blue eyes... I only burn and freckle... Here are the most memorable ones:

Once I fell asleep on the beach when I was with my cousin... Blisters and hardly able to wear clothes after ensued... This was about 1979-80...

As if I DIDN'T learn my lesson THAT time, I did it again about 1984 when I went to the beach with my dad and he went for a walk... I won't say WHERE he walked, but it was somewhere I couldn't go... *sigh* and he was gone TOO long!! After a couple HOURS, some creepo came and asked if he could put lotion on me... Thank GOD, dad decided to come back at the right moment and creepo disappeared!! WHEW!!! Yeah... blisters, and hardly able to wear clothes AGAIN!!

Another time I went boating with neighbors about 1985 and I DID put block on, but I missed a long wide strip on the front of my calf... BLISTERS... Funny, NOW you can tell which leg because there are TONS more freckles on that leg.  ;p

I am usually pretty careful about reapplying sunscreen now... ;p  and for my kids. NONE of them are as fair as me, though... I see that as a GOOD THING! THEY can actually TAN!!

Now, there was the worst burn of all that wasn't from the sun. I was cooking rice pudding (1983) and it says NOT to come to a BOIL... and it started... so I hurried and picked up the pot. The handle broke and thankfully, the pot spilled AWAY from me instead of toward me... Got my thigh through my pants... Ran to the shower and pulled off the britches, put the shower with cold water on... Then my step dad put BUTTER on it!!! Emergency room, 3rd degree burns in the middle of it... second around the sides. Thanks to Sylvadene I lived through it. I sure wish you could buy that stuff over the counter!! Then one of the "witchy" girls I cheered with gave me crap about it because she had to adjust to the other thigh to   CLIMB me for a stunt... As if I DID it JUST to inconvenience her! Yeah... never cared for that one much... but that COULD be a whole post in itself. But I will REFRAIN! LOL!!

2.) Write a poem for your furry friend.
I wrote one about my grandma's dachshund in like 1988, but I don't know where it is at the moment. LOL!

3.) Describe a memorable camping trip.
Hmmm…. This will be when I FINALLY post my TREK experience!  ;D
COMING… to this BLOG… soon!

4.) It happened on a motorcycle.
Yeah... nothing on this one...
5.) Post a vlog that shows you playing with your kids.
OK, I'm USUALLY NOT IN the videos...  and I don't have a cool little VLOGGY camera...
You see, the idea of being a photographer is that you are BEHIND the camera instead of in FRONT of it. LOL!! So I did find one from years ago that I'm in with my DOGS... and a few of my kids happen to appear in it, too. So, ENJOY our funny compilation of clips with our dogs!! (This was when Jake was still agile enough to jump off the couch by himself!!  ;p


Tell The Truth Thursday

The question this week is :
What is one of the most important lessons you've learned?
    So as not to turn this into any more of a marathon, please refer to the answer of #1 above and then the response below.  ;D
    Lessons learned from these experiences:
  • I am fair skinned and I must use sun screen
  • Sunscreen must be REAPPLIED every few hours
  • I have blue eyes and wearing sunglasses and a hat can help prevent a migraine!
  • If I were going to the beach with DAD again, bring my cousin or a friend so I'm not left alone on a beach for hours where creepos lurk
  • I do NOT TAN... but I can look like a lobster, blister and FRECKLE... a LOT!
  • NEVER put butter or ANYTHING greasy on a burn of any kind!! It will seal in the heat and continue to COOK the tissue!!








Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The TRIAL WIFE: Delusional... Bipolar Crap?


Confession Wednesday Button

Karen is STILL off doing GOOD!! Hope she's loving it!
********
I AM the TRIAL wife! ...as in, hubby's trial IN life! I've told him that he is so easy going and nothing gets him down, so God decided that he needed something that would really be a challenge for him to earn his place in Heaven. Hmmm... guess that would be ME!

I have been slipping further and further down in a rut. Pretty sure I need an adjustment on these meds... Need to step up my treatment... I've been feeling like reality is hitting me upside the head and the things I've wanted to believe aren't really so... I'm looking at things in life and feeling totally broken, unfixable, unimportant, unlovable... I have abandonment issues from the past... As I can logically think this and bipolar may be it, my emotions run with it as reality. I pray it's not... But in thinking on many of the things that have been eating at me, I'm not seeing or feeling support that I need or like to think I've had from the ones that should love me... my family. Can't go into it much today... Some days are so messed up and I'm feeling like going back to the blog title of Endure to the End, again. Gee... people could tell my mood swings by the changing of my blog titles back and forth.  ;p  At any rate, I'm feeling much more like an ugly lump of coal than a potential beautiful diamond. Sometimes I want to go into cold storage until there's a magical fix all... or just quit altogether...  Thursday night I have to sleep at a "SLEEP CENTER" to be fittedfor a CPAP mask and have the oxygen adjusted... HOW am I supposed to SLEEP in a strange place while being WATCHED??? GAH??? Dying in my sleep doesn't sound so bad... What if I just don't go?  ;p  *sigh*
****************

I blog because I like to pretend/think somebody cares. And actually, I have found many wonderful people here and have found support that I never knew existed. I can "POUR MY HEART OUT" and not have to see anyone's eyes glass over because soem of it truly isn't very exciting... *YAWN FEST* This is therapeutic. I can share highs and lows. I WISH they could all be highs... but when I hit those lows, this is the ONLY place I can let it out. (and scare away all my readers...)

Family doesn't come here... and if they do, they only lurk and pretend like they don't. It's certainly easier to pretend that bipolar isn't real than the reality of it... Just "get over it..." Right? I open up in a way that I try very hard to conceal in real life. Sometimes I feel like I may burst if I don't get it out. Frequently it feels like family only cares when it's convenient or when I'm doing for them... Sometimes not even then... I try to put on a happy face and pretend like all is well... even when I'm dying inside. And when I am too overwhelmed to put on the facade, I find an excuse and hide. Quite frankly, I don't matter at those times. So long as I don't bring attention to myself and bring others down.

Quite frankly, I have to look at reality and realize that I AM so disposable. They probably would be better off without me. I knew I had a troubled past when I met my husband. In his perfect impression of Rafiki he declared that "It doesn't matter, it's in the past." He said what was important is who I was then and where we we headed together. Oh how I adored him!! But I had no idea the extent of the mental effect it all had taken on me or the genetics that lie lurking under the surface just waiting to disrupt the fragile future. IF we'd HAD a CLUE... would things have been different? Probably... 

So now, those words that were such a comfort to me then, sometimes haunt me, now. I honestly felt like any depression/mania type situations I'd dealt with in my past were due to life circumstances that were thrust upon me. I was sure that with this man by my side, with his support, these things would all remain in the past. Oh how I wish it were true. And OH how I wish things could easily roll of my shoulders into oblivion the way it does him. I am so ultra sensitive to judgments of others. When my mind races, it is usually like a broken record player playing all my doubts, fears, and the criticisms of others repeatedly in my mind. It has a crippling effect on me.

If he'd known that I was bipolar then (neither of us were aware of it then...), would he have run in the opposite direction? Is he only with me now out of obligation? Because he's too good a person to walk away to an easier life? Trade me up to a new and improved model... One that deserves the respect of his children and grandchildren... Well, they have the better one they can get back to in the next life...

I'm working on bringing the positive back. I'll have SOMETHING positive tomorrow!! I PROMISE!


(aka Endure to the End!)

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Shutter Love - Sports, Quote, Moody and FMBT



ShutterLoveTuesdays

My granddaughter (in pink) playing in a soccer game.

LittleYayas

“Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before.”


Don't know who the quote is from... but it's good.

I've been disappointed, betrayed and hurt in the past...
Hoping that I finally have the kind of love that I need so much.
Some days I just don't know that I'm THAT lovable...


Monday, July 26, 2010

Meet Me on Monday!






Questions:







1. What one food could you eat every single day?



LoMein




2. Do you wear glasses or contacts?



Glasses as needed




3. What kind of cell phone do you have?



Grrr... I HAD a cool RED Blackberry Flip, but my college son's phone wore out and he NEEDS a "smart" PHONE... SO HE has mine and I'm back to my old hot pink RAZR.... *sigh*  ;p




4. What did you have for dinner last night?



BBQ Ribs... YUMMY!




5. What is your favorite candy?

CHOCOLATE... The OTHER Vitamin C

The real creamy stuff... not the waxy crap...  ;D

*Disclaimer: All images were obtained from the internet. Original URLs were used in posting them. None of these images are mine.  ;D


Sunday, July 25, 2010

Sunday Sounds: How Great Thou Art - Carrie Underwood - Marie Osmond


"How far to heaven? Just open your eyes and look. You are in heaven" -Shankar
I shot this in Hawaii. Don't remember which island I was on for this one but it WAS magnificent! There have been so many times that I've seen the rays coming through clouds beautifully and not had my camera and kicked myself! This time I HAD it! (Hint: You see the rays MORE when you wear SUNGLASSES! I would KNOW! LOL!)  ;p  

I am always reminded that God is pouring his love down on us, we just can't always see/feel it because we are busy, it's too bright/dark, or we're not always in the right frame of mind. He is ALWAYS there for US, though. He knows the bigger picture; what we need, when, and what those around us need. He gives us our free agency even though He KNOWS we will sometimes choose the wrong direction. He loves us unconditionally. He sent His son and the atonement so that we would have a perfect example and a way to return to Him. He works through us, not for us... 

How Great Thou Art is one of my favorite Hymns! I think of this hymn when I see rays peeking through the clouds to remind me. Sometimes it's as if He KNOWS I NEED that reminder art that moment! I have posted 2 beautiful renditions of it below. You choose which you'd prefer to watch/listen to.

This is a beautiful version by Carrie Underwood:

This is a version of the same hymn sung by Marie Osmond
for the Pioneer Celebration in 2008:

This was prompted by #4 from Thursday's Writing Workshop assignments.
Mama's Losin' It

Have a BEAUTIFUL SUNDAY!
Our out of state children and their families will be traveling to their homes in CO and CA today; so they are especially in our prayers!  ~((HUGS))

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