". . . our stories are what make the difference, and if we can tell them honestly we can hope to help each other. In the end, we have nothing to offer each other but our stories." ~ Emma Lou Thayne

Monday, July 25, 2011

Pinky Promises and Theme Song... It Stops TODAY

Horrible picture, short stubby fingers, uneven nails, etc... 
I know... 
I'm willing to admit to...
~ marching to the beat of my own drum
 ~ being an odd duck 
~ being a few bricks short of a load 
~ one whose elevator doesn't always reach the top 
~occasionally having a short fuse
I'm sure you could help me out with more... ;p

ANYWAY... I'm sure some of you noticed that one finger is different than the rest... YES! I did this on purpose!   Different people do this for different reasons... I am going to share with you why I am doing it...

First of all, I've never been much of one to always need to have my nails perfectly manicured and painted all the time... OK, it's been a RARE occasion. We'll see if this makes a difference. 

I've been having difficulties this past year on many fronts. THAT will likely not change. However, my perspective and reaction to situations hopefully will. You've heard of a "pinky promise" or "pinky swear", right? It is usually made between two or three people and they interlock pinkies to "seal the deal". Yes, we're talking a preteen tradition here... HAH! Well, this is my version and I guess I'm swearing it to YOU... and my PINKY fingers are painted a different color as a reminder to myself!! 

My left pinky is a reminder that I do NOT have to be perfect or live up to the expectations of others. However, I should remember to be civil to those around me regardless of my mood. 
In short: 
I don't have to be perfect, but I do have to act humane.

My right pinky is a reminder that I have to remember my limitations and the things that trigger negative things (ie migrains, anxiety, depression, mania, etc...) in my life. I shouldn't let anyone manipulate me to go outside of those boundaries. It's OK to say NO! 
In short: 
Recognize my boundaries and know when to say NO.

If any of you would like to join me in 
your own version of a "pinky swear" 
I'd love to hear about it!!

Here's to a first step! 
This is my "Pinky Promise" THEME SONG
It Stops Today by Colbie Caillat
Written by Colbie Caillat and Jason Reeves
Album: Break Through
Track: 11

no, no, I, I, I, I, 
I don't want to break when I speak 
I don't want to shake while I'm standing 
I don't want to crawl into another hole 
I don't know what i'm hiding for 

no, I, I, I, I
 don't want to fall when I stand
I don't want to have to hold your hand
I just want to be the girl I use to be
when I was me and worry free
I know these burdens are my own

but I cant keep on running
no I just cant keep on running away from here
I know that the only way to beat it
is to fight on my every fear

I'm not going to make it
'til I turn around and face it alone, I know
I can't just keep running,
no I just can't keep on running away
so it stops today

so here I am, I'm taking my first step
thought i was losing balance but I caught myself
I kind of like the challenge, no I don't need help
I'm going to make it past the very start
its always been my hardest part

but 
I, I, I, I, 
I am going to stay in control
I must admit this crutch is getting old
I am going to throw it out of my hand
I'm finally here, I understand
I know I
'll get there on my own 

so I can't keep on running
no I just can't keep on running away from here
I know that the only way to beat it
is to fight on my every fear
I'm not going to make it
'til I turn around and face it alone, I know
that I can't keep running,
no I just can't keep on running away
so it stops today

you can hide from all the pain
but it will find you anyway
yes, I know,
now I know

that I can't keep on running
no I just cant keep on running away from here
I know that the only way to beat it
is to fight on my every fear
I'm not going to make it
til I turn around and face it alone, I know
that I cant just keep running,
no I just cant keep on running away
so it stops today

*I know it's not "just" that easy dealing with the bipolar, and all... but living up to my "pinky promises" is a giant leap i the right direction and will hopefully help a LOT!! 
~ One thing I would like to make clear about me being open about dealing with bipolar is that I am not looking for sympathy or attention concerning it. What I hope to achieve by being open is for others to become more educated about it and understand it a little better, taking away some of the stigma associated with it... 

Photobucket

*I know I've been AWOL a lot lately and I apologize. Life has been crazy and busy and I don't see that changing a whole lot until boys get back in school. I'll try to pop in and around as I'm able.

8 comments:

shah wharton said...

Oh what a great idea. This could potentially help me in a few ways. To be less self-conscious in social sits, and to drink slowly - it seems I have lost the ability to 'feel' tipsy (which was when I always stopped drinking - now its gone I find I do not feel drunk until i land on my head!) Fabulous. I will paint my pinkies even if I don't bother with the rest (I rarely bother either ;D). Really love that you are back with us, hope you are well.

Shah ,.X

Kristina P. said...

Very cool! I love this symbolic reminder.

Elizabeth Young said...

I love the idea of having something tangible to remind you of a special truth: kind of like a parable you're wearing as a reminder to self! AWESOME! Loved this post and all the encouragement and support within. Blessings, Elizabeth.

Garden of Egan said...

That is awesome!
I love this post.
Good for you, I think you are the one that has it all together.

Lisa said...

Love the pinky promises! And ditto right backatcha about being AWOL. Sometimes I have anxiety just getting on blogger, because I haven't checked any blogs or commented or written, etc. It's become it's own kind of pressure. Anyway, love you and am glad you are alive and kicking. :)

Karen Peterson said...

I gasped when I read this line:

"I don't have to be perfect, but I do have to act humane."

I actually used these exact words in a conversation earlier this evening when I was talking about a situation I'm in. I said, "I don't need [this particular person] to be perfect, but I do need him to be humane."

I hope you're doing all right, my friend. I miss ya!

And I'll be in Utah next week. I really hope we can get together!

Sarah (Nikki) said...

great song.....love the pinky swear post....just read someone post on choices..this is such a great follow from that.

Cheeseboy said...

Interesting, because I color my pinky nail a different color for the exact same reason.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...